Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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