just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
