Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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