Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
