Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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