I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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