Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
