No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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