I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
