did you get engaged???
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
