dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
