dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
