just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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