I'm going to jail i love you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The ass gains better be worth it
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