just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.