you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..