i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".