i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.