My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men