Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
