sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
