I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
