well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
