Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked