I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.