I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.