allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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