thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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