Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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