Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
