I've blown a few things in my day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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