I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
