How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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