apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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