When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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