He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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