now i know why i became what i already was.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
