how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
