Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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