I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
