She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
