I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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