That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
