He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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