absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
