I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
