so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
