Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
