no, he came in my armpit
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
