Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
