at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
