So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
