My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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