He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
