yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dignity is for republicans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
