There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Of course I have a pirate flag
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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