Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sober January is a disaster.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
