I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
