The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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