you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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