i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize