I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
