I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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