My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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