Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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