lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Too much gin, very little bucket
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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