I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
