you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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