i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
